


Unspoken

by Rattlesnake



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sciles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 00:26:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7337188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So Stiles Stilinski is an expert when it comes to unrequited love. When his best friend starts sending mixed signals however, he's at a complete loss. Is he just imagining things?<br/>Takes place after season 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Initiation

It is a truth universally known that when your best friend has girl troubles, you take him out and get him drunk. Or at least you try. And despite the fact that Scott is the true Alpha, leader of their pack and selfless protector of Beacon Hills, the fact remains that he is still first and foremost Stiles’ best friend. And that is why he and Scott are currently making their way through the nightly forest of Beacon Hills to get to the place Stiles picked out for them.

The half-moon is up thankfully, making it possible for people without wolf-senses to see where they are going. The wind makes eerie sounds in the trees and it seems as if they are not alone out here, but Scott would know of course if there was anyone close. They parked the jeep on the side of the road and have been hiking through the woods for about twenty minutes. Stiles has already bumped his toes twice on protruding roots. He isn’t the one complaining, however.

“Does it have to be the woods?” Scott asks and considering Stiles is doing this for him and only for him, he sounds disappointingly unenthusiastic. “We could just be drinking in your room, you know? Or at my house in front of the TV, eating pizza.”

“You’re a wolf, Scott”, Stiles points out. “You’re supposed to feel at home in the woods.”

“A few run-ins lately might have suppressed that feeling.” Scott deftly ducks a branch that almost takes out Stiles’ eye. “It’s going to rain later. I can smell it.”

“C’mon Scott, stop whinging”, Stiles says, trying not to rip his jeans on some raspberry bushes. “You’re the true alpha, remember?”  
“Doesn’t mean I enjoy getting soaked. You’re sure you’re not lost? I could find our way back to the jeep if you wanted me to.”

“I know that, okay? And no, I’m not lost. Not even close. Everything is going exactly as planned.”

Scott is thankfully quiet after that, allowing Stiles to concentrate and actually lead them to the stance he was looking for. “Here we are”, he says, turning to face Scott. “Cozy as heel, right? Malia told me about it.”

“Seems nice”, Scott agrees with a little smile. He climbs up the ladder first and Stiles hands him the backpack before he follows him and drops down onto the narrow bench next to Scott. They can overlook a small clearing from up here. The tall trees surrounding it look a bit spooky in the moonlight but the grass has a beautiful silvery glow.  
“You even brought a blanket”, Scott says, unpacking. 

“Some of us still do get cold.”

“I could have kept you warm you know?”

Stiles looks at Scott, pauses for a moment and then pulls two bottles of Whiskey out of the backpack. They both know that Scott can’t get drunk of course and any substance that is able to alter his state of mind seems much too dangerous for him to mess around with. But they found out that Scott can get into a state similar to being boozed when they are together. It’s just about letting go after all and when they were a few years younger they didn’t need alcohol at all to have a party of just the two of them.  
He opens the first bottle and hands it over to Scott who takes a swig. 

“The last time you took me out to get drunk was after Allison dumped me”, he says. “This is to Allison.”

“To Allison”, Stiles says but he knows things aren’t going to go well if he lets Scott ponder his dead ex-girlfriend for too long. He wants to cheer Scott up not make him more depressed after all. 

“It’s nice being here with you, you know”, he says. “We haven’t had a lot of bonding time in the last few months with the beast and the dread doctors being around and all.”  
“True. Life’s been rough. And I don’t even know where Kira is right now. Or how she’s doing.”

Why does Stiles sometimes get the feeling that Scott doesn’t even want to be cheered up?

“Or if she’s coming back” Scott adds.

“Take another drink”, Stiles says and he does.

“I wonder if being with me means bad luck, you know?”

“Hey, come on!” Stiles says, taking the bottle from Scott. “I’ve been with you for years. Does it seem like I’ve had any bad luck?”

Scott looks at him and Stiles rolls his eyes. “Not counting the Nogitsune of course. Or being threatened by Chimeras. Or being constantly attacked by various abominations. You’re still the best bro I could imagine, okay? I wouldn’t trade you for anyone.”

Scott smirks. “No one else would take you.”

“Hey that’s not fair! I’ve become quite popular, you know? Especially with the girls. There’s nothing like being all heroic and getting hurt every now and then to make you interesting.” Stiles takes a drink and spills most of it on his sweater.

“Getting hurt hasn’t worked too well for me up to now”, Scott says.

“You’re kidding, right? Remember what I told you? You’re the hot girl. I meant that.” Stiles takes another drink. He’s going to need it to get through this night.

“Hot and single again, apparently”, Scott says but he sounds better now. Not as distressed. “I am glad I still got you, however. Hope you know that.”

“Oh, you better be”, Stiles pulls the blanket around himself, because it is getting kind of chilly. “Taking care of you is quite the burden you know? Wouldn’t want to put that job on anyone else’s shoulders.” 

“I liked it back then when it was just the two of us. I’ve been thinking about that time a lot lately.”

Stiles turns his head to face Scott. “You do? Who’s the one constantly dragging new people into the pack then?”

“It was nice. Less complicated. We just fit, you know? No need to explain anything, no need to try being someone else.”

Stiles shrugs. “Maybe we should try being a couple then.”

“Maybe we should.” Scott leans forward and gives Stiles a peck on his cheek. Then he rests his head on Stiles’ shoulder and dares to fall asleep while Stiles is internally freaking out.

*

“It was just a peck on the cheek, you know?” Stiles tells his image in the mirror. His image frowns back at him. “Has he ever done that before?”

“No.”

“Well then it has to mean something.”

“I know that but what? Was he just not thinking? Was he joking? Overcompensating? He never makes jokes like that.” Stiles gets up to walk another small circle around his room which fails to clear his head just like the dozen circles he’s walked before. He slumps down on the bed. “I just wish I could remember his exact words. Was it really ‘we should try being a couple then’? Did he actually use the word couple? Or was that just me?” He buries his head in the pillow. “Oh come on, this is important.”  
His image in the mirror is of no help as usual and the wall opposite his bed is unnervingly empty and clear of red thread giving him nothing else to think about.  
It’s Monday Morning and he is supposed to be getting ready for school. The only problem is that he will meet Scott there and he is not sure he can do that after what transpired on the stance. Not before he can figure out what it meant. If it meant anything at all. 

The thing is Scott has never said anything like that. Not even as a joke like Stiles likes to do sometimes. Everything that goes beyond typical best friend behavior is usually beyond Scott. Maybe he doesn’t get it, maybe it just makes him uncomfortable. He’s the best mate anyone could imagine and Stiles knows that Scott would give his right arm for him, would die for him. But for the love of god he wouldn’t kiss him. Well, maybe if Stiles’ life depended on it, but unfortunately Stiles’ life has never depended on a kiss by Scott. And considering the many things his life has actually depended on in the last few years that seems a tad unfair. He gets up from the bed to walk back to the mirror.

“Stiles are you gone yet?” his father shouts from the basement. “Because if you are I might actually get some sleep after my long and exhausting night shift without you stomping above my head like a herd of mammoths.”

“No, dad, I’m not gone yet but it’s always nice to hear how much you love having me around.”

“Go to school, Stiles.”

Stiles gets his backpack from the bed and grabs some books at random. He doesn’t really care what subjects he has today. He’ll need the lessons to think about Scott anyway.  
Of course Scott arriving at school on his green motorbike is the first thing he has to see when he parks the jeep. The boy he calls his best friend takes off his helmet and shakes his hair, looking half young alpha wolf-god and half disheveled teenager who got up too late to do anything decent with is hair. He is beautiful, Stiles thinks and tells his brain to stop.

“Come on Stiles, you can do this”, he tells himself. “Get yourself out of the crush on my best mate mode and into best friend mode like so many times before.”  
He does and gets out of the car with a sigh. He isn’t sure why he’s doing this to himself. It has been a while since he’s gotten himself this worked up about Scott and back then it was because he thought he had actually lost him after Donovan. It wasn’t falling back into old habits like now. And it’s bad this time. He’s spent all of Sunday pondering and longing and he knows it isn’t healthy. 

Scott is already surrounded by Liam when Stiles gets to him. Literally surrounded. Really, it’s amazing how much that boy is pinning himself onto Scott. Stiles can’t help being reminded of a puppy looking for attention. He’s talking about Lacrosse, of course but for once Scott seems like he’s only half listening.

“Hi”, Stiles says and Scott surprises him again by greeting him with a short hug. Not that there’s anything unusual about it. In fact many of the boys in their school greet each other with hugs, especially those who aspire to be popular and establish their connection with other cool dudes through body contact. It hasn’t really been their “thing” though. Scott usually saves his hugs for special occasions. Not that Stiles is complaining or anything, it just confuses him a little more.

“You haven’t been on skype yesterday night”, Scott says. “I’ve been trying to call you.”

“Anything going on?”

No. I just wanted to – you know – talk to you. Make sure you didn’t catch cold after us getting soaked on our way back from the stance.” Scott grins broadly. “Pizza at home might have been the better option after all.”

“What were you guys doing on a stance?” Liam asks.

Stiles would like to tell him that it’s really none of his business but he looks too innocent to be mean to. Once again.

“Just having a chat”, Scott says and the way he says it immediately makes Stiles thinks that obviously there was nothing else to it. And here he goes again over-analyzing everything Scott says. He hates that state of mind and it would be better for everyone if he just stopped now. Because for Scott it’s always going to be just a chat.

And then he feels Scott’s fingers against his hand and for a second he honestly thinks that he’s going to take his hand. But Scott just brushes his skin. “Stiles tried to cheer me up a bit.”

“Well that’s nice”, says Mason, joining them and putting an arm around Liam’s shoulders. 

Stiles thinks that it must be awfully nice to be the gay best friend of someone who actually knows that you’re gay. Then of course Mason doesn’t have a crush on Liam which makes things a lot less complicated.

“Yeah”, he says.

“And you know what?” Scott asks. “It worked. Thanks, bro.” And he smiles that terrible smile that tears at Stiles’ heart and makes him think of sun melting the ice on a winter day. He’s so often thought that he’s over Scott but he’ll never be able to get over that smile.

“Good”, he says lamely.

Like he expected lessons drag and on and once again and he’s glad that he’s learned from a young age to understand stuff with an absolute minimum of input from the teachers. Due to his ADHD concentrating in school has never been one of his greatest skills but he has become an expert at totally faking it. 

In Maths Malia sits next to him, gnawing her way through another pencil, eyes glued to the board with a hint of panic in them as more and more numbers and signs appear. And Stiles thinks once again that he wishes he could just be honest with everyone because Malia deserves to know why they failed so miserably in their relationship and she really isn’t to blame. They’ve never really talked about their break-up or whatever it was and have not only managed to remain friends. Stiles feels closer to her than before. It feels like she somehow understands what he’s going through. And then maybe that isn’t so strange because having spent half of her life as a coyote she still has to watch her steps in the world of humans. She probably still feels Alien, even around her best friends. Stiles can relate to that sometimes. 

Scott sits down opposite of him during lunch break. “Hey, have you been avoiding me or something?” he asks without being serious. “I was looking for you between periods.  
“Of course not”, Stiles says who totally has been avoiding Scott, because he knows he’s going down a dangerous path and he has to stop. And seeing Scott really doesn’t help. Jesus, why can’t he just move on? Honestly he thought he had after surviving Scott slowly falling in love with Kira so shortly after Allison. He was proud of himself for managing so well. And one little kiss on the cheek and he’s worse than over two years ago when Scott fell in love for the first time.

Malia and Lydia sit down next to them, Lydia trying to explain about Maths and Malia looking as if she wants to run away and hide in a hole somewhere. Stiles thinks of the time when he wanted nothing more than Lydia sitting down with them during lunch break and as much as he still likes her, even loves her in a way, he now wishes it could just be him and Scott sometimes. Lydia was the one girl that made it possible for him to almost convince himself he was straight and not in love with his best friend. But now that they are actually closer his feelings have become less and less romantic somehow, if not less deep. 

“I was thinking we should revive movie night on Fridays” Scott says and it takes Stiles a moment to realize that he’s talking to him and only to him. Movie night was a thing from back when they didn’t have any other friends. Of course they hung out all the time but on Fridays they always picked a movie together, ordered pizza and spent the night at each other’s houses. Nothing unusual but they always used to look forward to that. 

“We totally should”, he says and despite all of his confusion this really cheers him up. They haven’t done that kind of thing for a while and he remembers that it’s the first time Scott is actually single since freshman year. “I loved movie night. You’re not invited by the way”, he tells Liam who arrives at the table with Mason.

“Oh, I’m sure he can live without the two of you crying over the Time Traveler’s Wife.” Lydia says. “And don’t bother asking Malia or me. We’re having a girl’s night out.”

“Wasn’t planning to”, Stiles says. So he’s really going to be alone with Scott for a whole night. And that’s the moment he remembers that’s not a good idea right now.  
“Deal”, Scott says.

And Stiles internally freaks out for the second time this week.


	2. Attraction

They have Lacrosse practice after lunch and Stiles is glad when warm-up is over and he can collapse on the bench completely exhausted. . It’s a mystery to him how anyone can actually play Lacrosse after six laps around the field. Coach is back and training is just as nasty as it used to be. Scott and Liam look as determined and fit as ever of course and he thinks that wolf powers do come in handy quite often. Liam is looking up at Scott while he explains their strategy for the next game as if he had the answers for all the questions in the universe. Stiles grudgingly admits that the kid wasn’t half bad at the sport before he was bitten. Scott – not so much. His asthma used to always get in the way of everything.  
Before his inner eye Stiles sees a younger version of Scott and himself. They’re sitting in the stands, eagerly watching the game, their perfectly groomed and hardly ever used Lacrosse sticks in hand. 

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t at least let us practice”, young Scott says, leaning over to him. “How are we going to get any better sitting on our asses?”

“In my case it might have something to do with the fact I got concussion after falling over my own feet last time he let me play. But that’s just a guess.”

“He could give us another chance!” 

The younger version of Stiles points down to the field where Jackson has just casually plowed down numbers 9 and 12, two of the youngest players. “He’s in a bad mood. Lydia has been sitting with her girls during lunch break. Trust me you don’t want to play today.”

That’s exactly the moment when coach Finstock calls Scott’s name while number 12 is limping off the field. Young Scott jumps up as if stung by a bee. “Good luck!” young Stiles calls.

Stiles smiles half-heartedly because he remembers exactly how that went down. Scott was on the field for about ten minutes before Jackson hit him like a wrecking ball, resulting in an asthma attack on Scott’s side. He sees himself running down to the field and kneeling down next to Scott with his inhaler in hand. He remembers Danny coming over to them, sympathetically asking if he can help and coach desperately shaking his head at them and waving them away like an annoying fly.

Now Jackson is a werewolf and in London, Danny left town with his werewolf boyfriend and Scott is out in the field, werewolf-captain of their team. Only coach is still the same, yelling at the players, despairing over Greenberg. 

And Stiles of course who can’t take his eyes off Scott as he scores another goal. Some things never change.

*

Stiles drops two heavy bags onto the kitchen counter and opens the door of the fridge to put the beer bottles in. It’s Friday afternoon and the week has gone by rather well, considering the fact that Stiles is falling apart. He’s on a downward spiral and he knows how difficult it is to stop this once it has started. Scott hasn’t acted any different from usual, apart from being a bit more physical. And of course that’s enough to send Stiles’ thoughts reeling. Was it just his imagination? But he remembers at least two times Scott has put an arm around him in the last week. Maybe he’s just deprived of physical contact because he’ so used to having a girl friend by now. The thought of Scott wanting to be touched is distracting and Stiles decides not to think about that possibility too much. Not now.

Maybe it’s just that he’s hyper aware of Scott once again. He almost wishes he was back with Malia all of a sudden, because being with her always took his mind of things. But using her like that is completely out of the question of course. He’ll forever be thankful for her for saving him from the humiliation of finishing school as a virgin and he’ll always love her in a way, so seeing her as a distraction from Scott won’t happen. 

Something has to happen however or he’s going to drive himself crazy this time. He puts away the pasta, meat and canned tomatoes that he bought because he decided to cook Scott dinner tonight. It’s not like he gets something warm to eat that’s not delivered pizza very often. Scott doesn’t cook and Melissa hardly ever has time to, working days and nights at the hospital. Stiles learned how to cook a little because he decided that his father needs to have a healthy home-cooked meal every now and then. And of course it’s totally okay to cook for your best friend. It’s not romantic or anything. No worries there. It’s nothing fancy anyway and he wants a nice meal himself. 

It’s too early to start cooking now however and he makes his way up to his room and slumps down on the bed. Tonight is going to be the first night for just the two of them in a long time and he’s going to push his feelings to the very back of his mind and make the best out of it. Maybe they can talk a bit more about their plans after school. Stiles really wants to make sure they don’t go to different colleges. He’s totally okay with having to spend his whole life in the friend-zone, he really is. But he can’t even think about losing Scott. Hearing less and less of him, suddenly not knowing what’s going on in his life, not knowing who he’s with or who his friends are. He’s totally not okay with that. Come what may he can’t let Scott slip away from him. It’s what frightens him most, a lot more than chimeras or wendigos or berserkers. More than a new girlfriend for Scott even. So he’s not going to let that happen. The two of them were a pack before there was anyone else and they’re going to stay together.

He’s at his laptop, reading online about UC Davis School of Veterinary Medicine when he hears the doorbell. Scott has a key of course but out of politeness he still rings the bell when it’s not an emergency. 

Stiles opens the door and Scott smiles broadly at him. “I think we should totally do it today”, he says. 

Stiles takes a step back. “Woah”, he says. “Do what?” And for the fraction of a second he thinks his dreams might actually come true.

“This”, Scott says, holding up a pack of DVDs. It’s Star Wars parts four to six and this really is the second best thing Scott could be talking about.

“Honestly?” Stiles asks. 

“I promised, remember? Also brought you this.” He holds up a whole bag of Reese’s.

“Bro you know, this is really close to my ideal date”, Stiles says. “Can’t believe you’ll finally stop being a total ignorant.”

Scott toes off his shoes. “Thought I should take that final step to nerdism. Are we ordering pizza?”

“No, I’ve decided to grace you with my cooking today. It’s spaghetti with meatballs.”

“You know this is getting closer to my ideal date”, Scott says, following Stiles to the kitchen. “Please don’t burn anything.”

Scott leans against the kitchen counter while Stiles starts cooking. “This was a really good idea, you know?” he asks and takes the beer Stiles hands him. “You were right by the way. We should be spending more time together.” 

Once again Stile asks himself where this is coming from. They’ve never really talked about their friendship. It’s just so natural, they’ve never really discussed it. And there was only one time he ever doubted it.

“There was so much going on I’ve never really come around to telling you I’m sorry”, Scott says so he’s obviously been thinking the same thing. “About our break-up, I mean.”  
“It wasn’t really a break-up”, Stiles says, but somehow that word fits.

“It was. And I should have made you explain, should have never believed you were acting for any other reason but self-defense. I should have believed in you, even if you couldn’t.”

Stiles doesn’t want to think back to that night when he faced Scott in the rain and saw in his eyes that he wasn’t going to be forgiven. He was getting soaked to the skin without even noticing it, water running down his face, tears stinging in his eyes. In that moment it had felt like nothing made sense anymore. He had been able to go on after nearly dying to find the Nemeton, after being possessed by the Nogitsune but at that moment he had wanted to give up. To just let himself be washed away by the rain.

He feels Scott’s arms around him all of a sudden and for a moment he thinks that Scott doesn’t only have the ability to take away physical pain, but emotional turmoil as well. Then he realizes that it’s not his wolf power. It’s just Scott and he leans into him. 

“I should have listened to you when you mistrusted Theo”, Scott says. “Things would have gone different then.”

“It’s just who you are”, Stiles says, bringing up a hand to touch Scott’s arm. “You give everyone a chance. It’s alright.”

“I’ll listen to you next time”, Scott says. And then he does something that he’s never done before. He leans in and presses his lips to Stiles’ neck. It’s just a fraction of a second and at first Stiles doesn’t even really react to it. And then his knees go weak and his heart flutters in his chest and he’s just glad that Scott doesn’t face him when he finally moves away. 

Stiles grabs the bag of pasta and spills the noodles all over the stove.

“Damn.” He collects them and throws them into the boiling water. “Let’s not talk about it anymore”, he says. “Theo I mean. Just let my words be gospel in the pack from now on and we’re fine.”

“Deal”, Scott says and takes a sip from his beer. “Better watch those noodles. I’m counting on your cooking skills.”

Stiles decides to push what just happened to the back of his mind because otherwise he’s sure to spoil their food. 

Scott sets the table in the living room like the good friend he is while Stiles proceeds to make the pasta sauce. Scott is sufficiently amazed about the food and wolfs down three plates.

They sprawl on the couch afterwards, feet on the table and when the entrance music is playing, Stiles is truly happy. He just wishes there weren’t those twenty centimeters between them that always seem to be there nowadays. When they were little they often used to cuddle when they watched movies together. They also always slept in one bed when they spent the night at each other’s houses. Which was quite often because either the sheriff or Melissa had night shifts most of the time. 

They didn’t stop too long before Scott met Allison. He hadn’t been too enthusiastic about girls before that. Stiles was the one always obsessing over Lydia, while Scott’s mind was usually on Lacrosse or his job at the animal clinic. For a while Stiles had even thought that Scott might be gay just like him, just too shy and awkward to admit it and they could somehow make the transition from friendship to being a couple. Then Scott got bitten and things went batshit crazy in Beacon Hills. And they haven’t stopped.

Considering the fact that Stiles has been waiting for ages to watch Star Wars with Scott, his mind isn’t really on the movie for once. Of course he’s seen it so often he could talk along with the characters so it doesn’t really matter.

They watch part four and five and eat all of the peanut butter cups and drink more beer. Then Scott stretches and looks at him.

‘Oh my god it’s so beautiful when the boy smiles’, Stiles thinks.

“I like it”, Scott says. “Who’s your favorite character?”

“Luke Sykwalker. Who’s yours?”

“Considering you’re my Yoda, how could I name anyone else?” Scott asks.

“You always seemed like a Leya guy to me”, Stiles says. “But I doubt you’d be Han Solo enough for her.”

“I’m Han Solo enough for everyone”, Scott says and Stiles is afraid that he’s right.

Later in bed he can’t sleep of course because his brain decides to rerun the kiss on the neck for at least twenty times and finally it feels completely unreal and he isn’t even sure he hasn’t imagined it.

He leans over to the side where Scott is peacefully snoring on a mattress. They still aren’t nearing a full moon. Scott has told him that he still feels it, even though he can control his shifting now. But it exhausts him, makes him irritable and restive and Stiles always tries to be with him then. He hasn’t asked Scott if he’s found another anchor, he just assumes that the pack is his anchor now.

And he hopes that Scott will be able to sleep peacefully for awhile now. That whatever they will have to deal with next takes it’s time. Scott deserves a rest.  
Stiles on the other hand hardly sleeps that night, tossing and turning and overthinking things. He gets up at sunrise and makes Scott breakfast. 

When Scott finally appears in the kitchen in his boxers, disheveled and sleepy, Stiles realizes that he still loves him so much, that it will never stop and that he really needs to talk to someone about this, because otherwise he’s going to explode.


	3. Confusion

So Stiles is extremely good at unrequited love. Always has been, since second grade. But he really has no idea how to deal with his feelings being reciprocated. Not that he thinks Scott really has those kinds of feelings for him but something has definitely changed between them and he’s so confused and mystified right now that he needs someone to clear things up for him. Normally Scott would be his go-to person for heart to heart talks but it’s a bit difficult when Scott is the one this is all about.

And that’s why he rings Lydia’s doorbell that Saturday afternoon when Scott is off to his shift at the animal clinic.

“So how was your exclusive movie night?” Lydia asks when she opens the door. 

“Amazing. How was girl’s night?” Stiles asks, as he follows her up to her room. He realizes he hasn’t been here often despite them becoming so close. They usually meet up at Scott’s house or his own. He still remembers Lydia’s room from when he first saw it, though. Way back when she didn’t even know who he was and was still going strong with Jackson.

“Interesting”, Lydia says. “Malia helped out a guy who was having trouble with two bullies at the bar. They weren’t quite themselves afterwards. Someone called the cops but your dad went easy on her. And then the first guy bought us drinks.”

“Sounds like a typical girl’s night”, Stiles says, distractedly. “Lydia listen, I need to ask you something.”

“Kind of figured that’s why you’re here.”

Stiles drops down on her bed. “Look Lydia, why did we never go out? I mean I get that I was completely invisible for you during Middle School and I probably seemed like a dork for a year afterwards but I think you could have given us a chance, right? We had some moments at least. Why was I never really on your radar?”

“I like my lovers straight”, Lydia says.

Stiles just stares at her. He swallows. Then he stares at her again.

“You think I’m gay?” he finally manages to say.

“Considering the way you dress it’s probably more bisexual. I wouldn’t have a problem with that but you’re totally enraptured by Scott. I like my boyfriends to be enraptured by me.” She sits down on the chair of her dressing table, facing him. 

“What’s wrong with the way I dress?” Stiles asks. 

“Is that really what we’re discussing right now?” Lydia asks. “Because if t is I do have some suggestions.”

“No thanks.” Stiles takes a moment to collect himself. “Let me get this straight.” He pauses for a second because this sounds weird. “So you know I … you know how much Scott means to me?”

“Honestly you’d have to be blind not to see. Or to have lived in the forest for years, which Malia did, so I never blamed her for not getting it. I’m neither blind nor have I lived under a rock, so yeah, I kind of figured it out.”

“Why haven’t you ever said anything?”

Lydia shrugs and reaches for a nail file. “Like that would have helped. You seemed confused enough to me as it was. I’m just glad you’re finally able to admit it.”

“It’s just that I have no idea how to deal with it anymore”, Stiles says. “I thought I was over him.” He gets up from the bed. “I owe it to Scott to be over him. He’s my best friend. He doesn’t deserve it that I fuck things up between us.”

Lydia drops the file back down on the table and looks up at him. “So you haven’t talked to him, right?”

“Of course I haven’t. It wouldn’t be fair to put this on him. I know he’d understand. I know he’d want to stay friends. Damn, sometimes I think he’d go as far as making out with me just to make me feel better…”

“It would sure put some pressure on him if you told him”, Lydia says. “But he’s your best friend. You should be able to talk things through with him.”

“The problem is that he’s Scott, you know?” Stiles says, dropping down onto the bed again.

Lydia nods. “He wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings in any way. You’re his best friend and you mean the world to him. So from now on he would think twice about everything he does.”

Stiles nods, glad that Lydia understands. She’s really is a true genius. “He might go as far as never getting another girlfriend for the sake of me and you know how much he needs to be loved.”

“I wouldn’t go that far but it sure would make things more complicated for him.” Lydia gets up and sits down next to Stiles. She takes his hand. “You’re a true friend too you know? For keeping quiet for so long. Just don’t blame yourself, okay? Friendzone can happen to anyone. It’s not your fault.”

The moment she says it Stiles realizes how much he’s actually been scrutinizing himself for doing this to Scott. “I should have found a way out by now”, he says. “I always do.”  
“It’s not like you haven’ tried.” Lydia says. “Some things just can’t be changed, no matter how much you want them to change. And even though you want this to go away it may still define you in some ways. Good ways.”

“I still want it to stop.” Stiles feels like crying all of a sudden. It feels good to be able to talk about it without being judged. But it also makes it so much clearer how hopeless his situation is.

“So have you ever thought about the possibility that he might have feelings for you too?” Lydia asks and Stiles looks at her as if she’s doing her best banshee scream. 

“Please don’t get my hopes up”, he says. “I’ve been trying to push that thought away from me for so long.”

“Well he seemed very much in love with Allison and Kira but you would have to be blind not to see that he loves you very much, too.”

“Not in that way.” Stiles says.

“How many ways are there?” Lydia asks. 

“Not in a – you know – sexual way.” Stiles gets up from the bed because this is getting too much to handle. He shouldn’t be talking about this. Lydia was supposed to make him get over Scott and she’s not helping right now.

“Does it matter, though?” Lydia asks, leaning back on the bed. “If you love someone you want to be close to them in every way, right?”

“Scott isn’t gay.”

Lydia shrugs. “Have your categories then.”

Stiles freezes because what Lydia is actually saying hits him right then and there. “So you think I might have a shot with him?” 

“I’m a banshee. I predict death, not love”, Lydia says. “Which is a pitty, really, because I might make a fortune out of it otherwise. All I’m saying is that you sure as hell don’t stand a chance if you keep sulking and feeling sorry for yourself. Who knows, Liam might steal him away from you.”

She can’t really be serious about that last part but Stiles still has to leave after that. He thought he was freaking out during last week but damn that was absolutely nothing compared to the way he’s freaking out right now. He actually falls up the stairs of his house and over a chair in his own room while trying to get to his wall.

An hour later the board is covered in pictures and writings and threads of different colors once again. As usual there’s more red than anything else but Stiles is still glad he got it out there. It doesn’t drive him crazy as much anymore when he has it all organized in a mindmap. And it’s actually nice to have his board covered with pictures of Scott for once and not clippings of monsters and gruesome deaths. Everything’s there. All of the photos he has of the two of them, which s quite a few. He’s written down all of Scott’s quotes that seem important for him, all the memories of moments that may be something else than strictly friendly or brotherly. Not too much comes to mind actually that doesn’t suggest that Scott more than cares for him as a good friend. 

There’s that one time he found him right before Stiles entered Eichenhaus, the way he absolutely refused to give up on him when Stiles was possessed by the Nogitsune. Those memories are difficult though, because Stiles still can’t bring himself to think about that time for too long. There was that one time Scott healed him when he almost broke his hand hitting his Jeep, because he was so frustrated about Theo… and how much Scott wanted to get him back after their fight. He wanted all of his pack back of course but it still felt special to Stiles. As if Scott really needed him.

He steps back from the wall, hands on his hips and decides that it’s not enough. All he can be sure about is that Scot really loves him as a friend. He throws a bed sheet over the whole thing. His dad doesn’t enter his room if he’s not here, but he has to make sure he doesn’t see this. Not that his dad would have a problem with him being gay, that’s not it. But he’s worried about Stiles enough without knowing who he’s in love with.

Being confused was much better than being depressed. Not that he’s not still confused. The second week is even more difficult than the week before because he had hoped that things would go back to normal and they don’t. He can’t concentrate at all and on Wednesday he gets two answers wrong in History which doesn’t usually happen even if he doesn’t listen to Mr. Edwards at all.

“Everything all right?” Malia asks him when she finds him in the library during lunch break. She sits down on the desk in front of him and Stiles pushes his book away. He hasn’t been able to read anyway. 

“Sure”, he says. “Everything’s just fine.”

“You seem a little under the weather”, she says. “You can talk to me, you know? I’m still your friend.” She pauses to think for a moment. “Or we could have sex, of course. To help you relax.”

Stiles is actually quite touched by her offer. “No thanks, Malia” he says, knowing full well that his sixteen year old self would have punched him in the face for this. “I appreciate the offer, though. I’m just still thinking about what’s going to happen after graduation, you know.”

That’s only half the truth but it’s not a lie either. “I don’t want to lose any of you.”

Malia smiles. “We’re going to stick together. You said that yourself.” She gets up from the table. “And Scott’s not himself without you.”

“Thanks Malia”, Stiles says. “Oh, and one more thing: As sweet as it is but you do know that people don’t usually offer sex to cheer someone else up, right?”

“Malia frowns. “They don’t?”

Stiles shakes his head.

“Well, they should”, Malia says and leaves the library.

Stiles walks out of class on Friday afternoon feeling exhausted. He is glad that he was at least able to act completely normal around Scott during the week. Thank god for his decent acting skills.

Scott is waiting for him outside of the school building, leaning against the banister. “Hey bro, what’s going on?” He asks. “Come on, tell me. You’ve been acting completely weird all week. Does it have anything to do with me?”

He looks really worried and there goes Stiles’ faith in his acting skills.

“Of course not”, Stiles says. “It’s just, you know, the full moon is nearing …”

Scott frowns. “The full moon affects me, not you.”

“It affects me by association, okay?” Stiles says. “Never heard about co-dependency?”

“Not in that context.” Scott seems a little confused.

“Well it’s quite a thing”, Stiles assures him. 

“Maybe I better lock you up and chain you then.”

Stiles swallows. “That won’t be necessary. Really Scott, I’m just a bit distracted right now.” 

They walk down to the parking lot together. 

“Does it have anything to do with Lydia?” Scott asks. 

“Not at all, believe me”, Stiles says and the next moment it occurs to him that he has just dismissed an excellent excuse. “Or maybe, yes.” He avoids looking at Scott. “I can’t believe I’m still not over her.”

Is it his imagination or is there a hint of disappointment in Scott’s eyes?

“You’ll probably never be”, Scott says. “You just … you’re in love with her. Can’t be changed, right?”

“Yeah, right”, Stiles says. “Can’t control who you love.”

“No you can’t.” Scott looks down.

They’ve reached the jeep and Stiles climbs in. “Want me to take you home, or -?”

“No. No, I’m here with my bike”, Scott says but doesn’t move. He looks at Stiles again, not smiling this time. “You should ask her out again. It might go different this time.” Scott closes the door of the jeep.

And why does Stiles feel like he really fucked up this time?


	4. Resolution

Stiles realizes that it wasn’t one of his best ideas to have Scott’s face covering most of his wall when Scott knocks at his door that same afternoon and enters almost immediately. Stiles can’t blame him really, as he usually just falls into Scott’s room through his window. He’s lucky Scott is a little more polite. Nevertheless catastrophe is impending and it’s too late even for the bed sheet.

Stiles has no choice but to almost throw himself into Scott’s arms, effectively pushing him out of his door.

“Whoa”, Scott says, taking him by the shoulders. “If you don’t want me in there you could just have locked the door. What’s this about? Do you have a new girlfriend or something?”  
“Of course not”, Stiles says, leaning against the doorframe to block the view. “I just didn’t get a chance to tidy up.”

“I haven’t ever seen your room tidy”, Scott says. “Would come as a shock if I did. Well, I just wanted to ask you something anyway.”

“Okay?”

“Would you like to come on a trip with me?”

“A trip?” Stiles asks. “With you?”

“Yes. There’s no need to sound so alarmed. We’re best friends, you know. We’re supposed to go on trips over the weekend. And I promise there’s nothing supernatural going on this time.”

“Now that’s a surprise”, Stiles says. He does some really quick thinking to find an excuse, because really, he shouldn’t be alone with Scott right now. Not for a whole weekend. But he also doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, because Scott looks at him like this is really important. And his eyes are just too beautiful when they plead with him.

“Okay”, he hears himself say. Why, oh why has he never been able to deny Scott anything?

Scott lights up. “That’s brilliant. We’ll have a great time. Might even take your mind off Lydia. Mom said I can have the car. See you at six!” Scott turns to leave.

“We can take the jeep”, Stiles says.

“Even better.” 

“Scott, wait! Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” The door closes behind Scott and Stiles leans against the wall. Now, that went well. Then again he hasn’t seen Scott this enthusiastic since Kira invited him to dinner at her house and it’s nice to see him this high-spirited.

“Time to get packed”, he says to the pictures on his wall and gets his backpack from the closet. 

*

“So where are we going?” Stiles asks when he starts the jeep. “You need to tell me now, since I’m the one driving.”

Scott holds up a key as if that’s the answer to everything. “Lydia gave it to me. We’re going to the Lake house.”

Stiles raises an eyebrow. “You’re not really thinking about tying me up in the basement, are you?”

“No”, Scott smiles. “The moon won’t be full for another four days, remember?”

“Actually I do”, Stiles says. Of course he’s been keeping track of the moon calendar for years now. “Still I don’t have the best memories about that house, you know?” 

“Time to change that.”

“Whatever you say, Scott.”

When they drive out of Beacon Hills Stiles feels that he is actually relaxing. “All the small things” is playing on the radio and Scott is singing along next to him. For a moment it’s easy to forget that his best friend is a werewolf. They’re just two boys having fun, like it’s always been, even after Scott was bitten. And does it really matter that Stiles is in love with Scott? It doesn’t mean that they aren’t also best friends. And Stiles will always have this. He’ll always have Scott. And maybe it’s enough. It’s more than a lot of people get from their first love.

Then Scott smiles at him singing “she left me roses by the stairs” and Stiles knows that it’s never going to be enough. But it’s all he’s got. 

They pull up at the house when it’s early evening. Stiles gets out of the car, stretching and the air is fresh and smells of wood and earth. It’s wonderfully quiet apart from a few birds singing and the frogs croaking. He looks down to the lake which is surrounded by tall trees mirrored in the clear water. “This is nice”, he says.

“Told you you needed this”, Scott says, grabbing their bags from the trunk. “Believe it or not, I even brought food.”

They’re having their picnic on the grass near the water and afterwards they go for a swim. The water’s not that cold and it’s still warm enough for them to just dry off on the blanket afterwards.

Stiles is lying on his back looking up at the sky that is slowly turning a darker shade of blue as the sun is setting behind the lake. The branches of the tree above them are becoming sharp silhouettes against the evening sky and a soft wind lets small waves break on the shore. Scott and he have often been quiet together. People don’t believe that he can actually calm down enough to just keep silent for longer than two minutes. But with Scott he’s always been able to. Today however the silence between them seems loaded somehow and he’s not surprised when Scott finally says: “Actually I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

Stiles closes his eyes because he just knows what this is about. He knows these kinds of talks. Scott has fallen in love again. He didn’t expect this to happen so soon but maybe it’s true and Scott just can’t be alone anymore. Also he has quite a few choices of course as Captain of the Lacrosse Team. 

And he doesn’t want to hear it right now. He just wants to lay here with Scott, hear him breathing, feel him so close to him that they can almost touch. That’s all he wants for now and he thinks he deserves it after everything they’ve been through. “We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

Scott sits up next to him. “I think we do”, he says and he looks so serious that Stiles thinks that maybe this is about something completely different than what he thought.  
He sits up too and puts a hand on Scott’s shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

“I don’t know”, Scott says, pulling some blades of grass from the ground. “I really don’t know.”

“Okay, let’s talk.”

“I’ve been thinking, you know?” Scott says and Stiles can see that it’s not easy for him to start. This is strange, because they’ve always talked about everything. Well, almost everything obviously, but Scott should know that he can trust him.

“Yes?”

“When Allison died, I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on. I thought I’d die. But I pulled through, somehow.”

So this is about relationships, but Stiles doesn’t care anymore. He’s worried and he wants to know what’s wrong with Scott. “I knew you would” he says.

“Now I lost Kira and it hurt like hell, but – I’m … I’m okay now. I’m still the same person, you know?”

“Yes, you are.”

Scott swallows hard and looks out over the water. “I know if I lost you, I wouldn’t be.”

Stiles sits completely still for a moment, letting that sink in. Then he moves closer and puts an arm around Scott’s shoulders. “You’re not losing me. I’m the one planning our future together, remember?” He smiles. “I’ve been picking out colleges for us.”

Scott looks at him. He smiles too, but its’ sad. “I’m afraid I might lose you after this talk.” 

“There’s nothing you could say to me that would make me not want to be your friend anymore”, Stiles says. 

“What if I don’t want to be your friend anymore?”

Stiles tenses. “You … what?”

“What if I feel different about you?”

There haven’t been many moments in Stiles’ life when he didn’t know what to say, but this is one of them. It’s like his brain freezes and he can’t even process what Scott is saying. It’s probably seconds before he manages to break the silence but it feels like minutes. “What?” he finally manages.

“I shocked you, right?” Scott looks even more worried. “I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking about how to say this for a week or so but there’s just no right way to do this.”

“I – I’m not shocked”, Stiles says and asks himself why of all times his eloquence chooses to leave him right now. He still has his arm around Scott’s shoulders and their faces are really close, which makes it even harder to think, but of course he can’t pull away right now. “Scott, do you mean …?”

“I think I’m in love with you”, Scott says and Stiles fears that this is just one of his weird dreams and in a few seconds Scott will be pulled away from him and into the lake and he won’t be able to reach him in time, because those are the kinds of dreams he’s having and he’s often thought that’s it’s so unfair that he can’t even have erotic dreams like a normal person anymore, because he’s so afraid he’s going to lose Scott.

“You think -?” Stiles asks. And then Scott leans forward and kisses his lips and Stiles is so overtaken by surprise that he doesn’t even close his eyes immediately. Then he does and it’s heaven. He’s so confused right now and so scared, but feeling Scott’s lipso n his own is still the best thing he’s ever felt and it burns through his body, pulls at his heart and makes the world stop around them for a short time. Scott brings one hand up to the nape of his neck, pulling him closer and Stiles loves the tender aggressiveness about that, loves having Scott’s taste in his mouth.

Then Scott suddenly lets go of him and pulls away like he was stung by something and before Stiles opens his eyes knows that the dream is over. Scott doesn’t like it. He doesn’t feel this way about Stiles, despite what he thought. 

Then he looks at Scott and sees fangs and glowing red eyes. Scott moves further away from him, trying to cover his mouth with a hand that has grown claws. “Damn”, he says. “That hasn’t happened for ages. I’m sorry.”

Stiles is so relieved that his heart skips a few beats. He moves over to Scott, pulls his hand away from his face. “This means you like me, right?” he asks. “It means I turn you on real hard.”

“I knew that before”, Scott says and there’s a slight growl to his voice that sends warm shivers down Stiles’ spine. “Don’t worry though, I won’t attack you.”

“I know”, Stiles says. “I’ve never been afraid of you.” He touches a hand to Scott’s cheek, not turning away from his eyes. He’s always thought they were beautiful this colour. He really loves them when their brown too though.

“Still don’t want to look like this right now.”

“I don’t mind”, Stiles says softly. “I love all of your forms.”

And apparently that’s all Scott needs, because the next moment he’s kissing Stiles again, pushing him back onto the blanket and when Stiles feels Scott’s body on his he thinks that he could just happily die right now.

Scott is warm and strong, Stiles can feel the muscles in his back when he puts his arms around him to pull him closer and he’s so overwhelmed that he’s suddenly allowed to touch Scott like this. Now that the boundaries are gone he wants to wrap himself around Scott, wants to feel every part of him, taste him, touch him everywhere. Instead they just rub against each other kissing so hard he almost can’t breathe and he knows they won’t be able to stop. He can feel Scott hard against him through the thin fabric of their boxers, he can smell his clean sweat, taste the salt of his skin and it’s all he ever wanted. Scott’s hips move against his once more and it’s all he needs to push him over the edge but it’s okay because Scott is right there with him and their hands interlace over Stiles’ head while they let it flow through their bodies.

Afterwards Stiles thinks that maybe he doesn’t ever want to say anything again because he can’t think of a single thing that is worth being said after this. Scott still has one arm around him and it’s the most beautiful moment of his life. All of his sarcasm, all of his snide remarks have left him for the moment and there’s a kind of peace inside of him that he hasn’t known since his mother died. Maybe if he just stays silent the world won’t start turning again. The sun has set but he’s not even getting cold because Scott is so warm next to him, is holding him so close.

Scott is the one finally breaking the silence. “So I take it you like me that way, too?” he asks. And he still sounds unsure.

Stiles turns his head to face him. Scott’s eyes are back to normal now, beautiful and warm and he’s so thankful he can finally see them from this close. “I like you all the ways there are”, he says. “Always have always will.”


	5. Perfection

Stiles is used to waking up with a start, often from a bad dream, feeling anxious. So when he opens his eyes the next morning he can’t explain right away why he feels this happy, this overwhelmingly good. Then he hears Scott breathing next to him and bliss floats over him like a warm wave. So it really isn’t a dream, right? You don’t wake up to a dream. Or do you?

He pulls his hands out from under the covers to count his fingers. Ten. He breathes out and turns to Scott, who is facing him, still fast asleep. He looks younger when he’s sleeping, Stiles notices. More like he looked three years ago, before it all started, before the burden of being an Alpha was put on his shoulders. And Stiles is somehow glad that he can be even closer to Scott now. That he will be able to take more of the pressure from him, help him relax and calm down in new ways.

It’s wonderful to share a bed with Scott again and it feels better than it ever has before. He hasn’t slept well in years but right now he feels so calm and relaxed. They fell asleep like this late last night after a long session of making out and Stiles has to bite his lips when he thinks about it. He really wants to do it again. Right now, to be honest. He’s always horny in the mornings and quite used to taking care of it on his own. But now that Scott is right next to him and he’s allowed to touch …

He moves closer to him, already breathing harder. Scott makes a little sound in his sleep and moves into him. Stiles’ heartbeat speeds up and he moves a hand through Scott’s unruly hair. Scott smiles in his sleep and Stiles wants to kiss him so bad it almost hurts. But Scott still doesn’t wake up and Stiles thinks that he probably needs his sleep. He doesn’t want to take advantage of him in any way. And of course it’s not just about sex. They’ve spent the entire evening in bed last night and as amazing as it was, it also frightens Stiles a little. What if this doesn’t work out? It hurts to even think about it, but they’re still so young. Scott has been in love before and this is still new to them both. They have a strong foundation to fall back on of course, but if they make this only about sex it’s bound to fail. 

Stiles places a kiss on Scott’s temple and reluctantly sits up. He feels Scott’s hand around his wrist. “Where’re you goin’?” he asks sleepily.

“Just getting breakfast started”, Stiles says. “I’ll call you when it’s ready, okay?”

Scott nods, turns around and hugs his pillow to go back to sleep. Stiles gets up and takes a moment to appreciate the way Scott is sprawled out on the bed. Stiles knows that he’s naked under the thin cover and what he sees of his tanned skin and his muscles is enough to make him want to get back into bed and just climb on top of him. He swallows hard as he turns away. Temptation is a lot worse now that he knows he’s allowed to touch Scott, to kiss him, make him come. That last thought has him rushing off to the bathroom to take a much needed shower. 

The water is running down his back in streams as he leans against the tiles with one hand and grips his dick with the other. Just the thought of last night, of touching Scott, running his hands down his body, hearing him moan into his kiss is enough to make him come after less than ten strokes, makes his body shudder with the force of it. And it confuses him, frightens him a little bit, even. He’s known for ages that he’s in love with Scott but he wasn’t aware that it was this physical, this much about sex and desire. Maybe he’s been a virgin for too long. When he finally had sex it was good but not this overpowering, this all-encompassing. All he wants right now it get back under the covers with Scott and give him the blow-job of his life and this isn’t him! This is not what he expected their relationship to be like. It was supposed to be caring and deep. Turning into a sex-maniac hasn’t been on his boyfriend-to-do list as far as he remembers.

And what about Scott? This is his first relationship with a man and he’s used to sweet and rather innocent girls like Allison and Kira. Okay, he didn’t seem to mind them rolling around in the sheets all of last night but still! Stiles is not going to put him off like this. 

So he does what a good boyfriend would do and gets his ass down into the kitchen to make coffee. Scott also brought eggs and toast and Stiles is amazed by his being so thoughtful. He debates getting some flowers from the garden and stands in the open door for a few moments but then he decides he also doesn’t want to shock Scott by being too romantic all of a sudden. Maybe Scott doesn’t want their relationship to change that much. And Stiles still wants to be his best friend forever, because he’ll always need Scott in his life, no matter what. Even if they stop having sex again. Although he prays to any werewolf god there may be that they won’t stop ever again.

Not that they actually really started, now that he thinks about it. He pauses, the box of orange juice in one hand, a glass in the other. It depends on how you define sex of course but they haven’t slept together. Didn’t even get around to blow-jobs. Of course two year ago Stiles would have been over the moon to finally get to this stage. Hell, to get kissed would have been a huge improvement of his situation back then. But the fact remains, they technically haven’t had sex.

Still, just the thought of Scott wrapping his hand around him, kissing him deeply while bringing him off, is enough to make his knees weak. He also thinks that it’s probably good to take things a little slow. He doesn’t think it’s possible that Scott might still find out he doesn’t want this, because he seemed into it. Really, really into it. Stiles is pretty sure that at one point he was close to begging him to go down on him. And afterwards they were so close. It felt as if nothing could get between them ever again when Scott pulled him into his arms.

Stiles looks down and sees that he ingeniously poured Orange Juice all over the counter top. He curses and cleans it up and manages to set the table just in time to Scott coming down the stairs. He gets the coffee can and almost drops it when he turns around. 

Scott is standing in the doorway, carelessly drying his hair with a towel, another towel slung low around his hips. Stiles eyes linger on the tattoo around his biceps, the muscles of his belly and the way his skin is dark against the white of the cotton and not for the first time he asks himself how he could get this lucky. He’s still mostly skin and bones and there’s just no way Scott can enjoy being with Stiles as much as he enjoys being with him. 

“Show-off” he says, placing the coffeepot on the table. “No need to flaunt your abs like that anymore, now you’ve finally managed to get me into bed.”

Scott grins. “What if I want to do it again?”

“Not before breakfast.” Stiles sits down and grabs a piece of toast.

“We could have showered together”, Scott says, sitting down opposite of him. 

“Bet you’d have loved that.”

“I would have”, Scott says with a hint of uncertainty. “Having breakfast together is cool too, of course. Thanks for setting the table.”

Stiles looks up from his toast at Scott who’s eyes are glued to the spoonful of scrambled egg he’s holding in one hand, because he’s trying not to spill any of it on Lydias’s table cloth and in that moment it becomes so achingly clear to Stiles how much he loves him. It runs through him like a fissure that will always hurt a little, make him vulnerable. It’s his weak point but it also defines him in so many ways. Makes him who he is. He has to make this work, because losing Scott would destroy him. 

And why hasn’t he thought about this before letting their friendship turn into something that could so much more easily be broken?

But there was no other way. They both want this, need this. He could never have pushed Scott away. It would have torn him apart.

Then make it work, he tells himself. It’s your responsibility, Stiles. Because you know very well neither you nor Scott have been exactly brilliant at romantic relationships up to now.  
“We could go for a run after breakfast”, he says. 

Scott raises an eyebrow. “Since when do you go for runs? With werewolves at that?”

Stiles shrugs. “You could just run circles around me.”

“We don’t have to do that”, Scott says. “Let’s take one of the boats. I want to be out on the lake. Alone with you.” 

Scott’s idea was brilliant, Stiles thinks when he’s outstretched on the bottom of the boat, gazing up at the clear blue sky. Scott is next to him, their legs are touching, he can hear the small waves against the boat and above them there’s only blue.

He thinks that it might be a good idea just never to row back to the shore, stay out here like this forever, where nothing evil will be able to find them, unless Nessie decides to make an appearance. Everything is so peaceful that he can hardly believe anything bad ever happened to them. What if it was all just a bad dream and they’re just two boys, almost ready to start College? Then again he believes that everything that happened to them also brought them closer together, made their bond that much stronger. And he’s thankful for that. Scott’s thoughts must have gone in the same direction, because all of a sudden he moves his hand closer to Stiles and intertwines their fingers. Stiles closes his eyes and tells himself that whatever the future brings, he never wants to forget this moment. 

Later on they go swimming, jumping into the fresh cool water from the boat, diving and pulling each other under water. Stiles can see that Scott is happy. The sunlight reflects in his eyes, he laughs like he hasn’t laughed in ages, loud and carefree. Stiles wants to press himself against Scott’s body, wants to lick the drops of water from his face, hold him close until they’re both pulled underwater and kiss him there, but he reminds himself of what this really means to him. They’re more than lovers. He needs to remember that.

*

It’s late in the afternoon and Stiles is half asleep on a blanket in the shade of an old oak tree near the water. Scott volunteered to get sandwiches from the house. Stiles feels comfortably drowsy and quite content with himself. It hasn’t been easy but he managed to more or less keep his hands off Scott, act as if he’s not suddenly turned from cynical best friend to horny slut who wants nothing more than to get down on his knees in front of Scott or roll around in the sheets with him. He doesn’t know how long he has to keep this up though, because he’s sure he won’t survive another night without kissing Scott. He just wants to do it so much. And he’s sure he won’t be able to hold back if they kiss. Just thinking about doing it with Scott makes him hard. 

He tries to concentrate on his aching shoulders instead. He got a little sunburned like always when he’s out in the sun for this long. And he can trust himself to forget using sunscreen every single time. He just never learns. The pain is quite helpful right now, though, because Scott is coming back from the house, backpack in hand. His dark hair is falling into his eyes, his wet shorts are clinging to his body and he looks awesome.

He sits down next to Stiles and hands him a roast beef sandwich. Stiles sits up and they eat in silence. Stiles’ contemplates if it’s still a comfortable silence and gets a little anxious when he finds that he’s not sure. For once he also can’t think of anything to say that doesn’t sound either cheesy or strange and he panics a little, because this can’t be good.

“You’re a little red here”, Scott says and puts his hand carefully on Stiles’ upper back. “Does it hurt?”

Stiles involuntarily leans into Scott’s feather light touch. “No. I’m used to it.”

“I should have reminded you to use sunscreen.”

“Not your job to babysit me.”

“No, but I want to take care of you.” Scott sounds so affectionate it sends small shivers down Stiles’ spine. “I brought after sun lotion”, he adds. “Want me to put it on you?”

“Okay”, Stiles says, sounding a little hoarse.

“Lay down.”

Stiles does and then he feels Scott’s hands on him, carefully spreading the lotion over his back, his shoulders. It feels heavenly, cool and soothing and he immediately knows that Scott is also taking his pain. 

“You weren’t supposed to do that, Scott.”

“I want to.”

Stiles closes his eyes because it feels too good to protest anymore and he promises he’ll make it up to Scott somehow. Scott’s hands are at his neck now, massaging his skin very lightly. 

“Listen Stiles”, he says. “If you don’ want us to make out again, we don’t have to. I don’t ever want you to feel pressured, okay?”

Stiles opens is eyes and turns his head to face Scott. “Pressured?” he asks, completely stunned by the fact that Scott got things so utterly mixed up. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

Scott shrugs, looking a little lost. “Well, you were avoiding most of my advances today and compared to yesterday you seemed a little distanced. And I just wanted you to know that I’m okay with whatever you want us to be. I just can’t lose you.” Scott’s voice sounds a little strained and Stiles realizes that he’s actually confused and unsure. “I just wanted to make sure we’re okay and you’re not – you know – having second thoughts.”

“Wow dude, you got that so utterly wrong.” Stiles turns to his side to be able to face Scott directly. “I’ve been wanting to touch you so bad all day. Not only touch you, I actually want to screw you senseless.”

He sees Scott swallow hard. “Then why don’t you?” One of his hands still lingers on Stiles’ skin and he can feel Scott’s claws protruding which makes him shiver with anticipation.  
“I wasn’t sure you were alright with us being so – well – physical all of a sudden.”

Scott frowns. “What are you talking about? The whole point of me telling you how I feel was being able to get physical with you if that’s what you want to call it.”

“Point taken” Stiles says. “It’s just that I’m used to Malia, you know. I thought you might want to take things slower.”

Scott grins. “Allison and I spent most of our time together in the sheets you know. Or making out in her car.”

“Too much information”, Stiles says.

“You were the one bringing it up!”

Stiles takes a deep breath. “I’m also afraid this might not work out. So we have to have something more than sex to fall back on.”

Scott nods, his hand caressing Stiles’ neck. “We’ll always have more. But can we please also have sex from now on? Because I really want to go down on you so badly.”

Stiles swallows hard. “You do?”

Scott doesn’t answer but he takes Stiles by the shoulders and rolls him on his back and then he’s on top of him, pressing down on him and the weight of his warm body feels perfect. His hands find Stiles’ and he intertwines their fingers and then he kisses him and Stiles feels all of his worries slip away in that moment. The wheel in his head stops turning for once and all he does is feel and all he wants is Scott even closer to him. He wishes they could just melt into each other and become one and it almost feels as f it’s possible. 

Scott breaks their kiss and buries his head between Stiles’ neck and shoulder, kissing and licking his sensitive skin. He moves down Stiles body, leaving kisses and Stiles knows what’s going to happen when Scott’s lips burn on his thighs, rendering him desperate and impatient, making him writhe on the blanket when he can hardly take it anymore. 

He hates losing control, hates having to wait but this is so gloriously hot and sweet that he lets go of all of his fears and insecurities for once and gives himself over to Scott. And when Scott finally gives him what he needs and wraps his lips around him, he feels as if he’s flying. He comes with Scott’s name on his lips.

Afterwards when he’s still recovering and Scott has put his arms around him to hold him close he thinks that this makes up for everything he’s been through in the last two years. If he can have this and keep this it was worth all the fighting and despair. 

“We’ll make it work”, Scott whispers. “I promise.”

Stiles smiles. “I’ll hold you to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this ends my first story in this fandom and it surely won't be my last. Thanks so much for your support! I'm so thankful for comments or kudos!


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